Things I learned this week

Either from experience or observation and sometimes on more than one occasion:

1. Pickled onion Space Raiders give me heartburn if I eat several packets at once. Which I never do. Much. Except for that one time I did.
2. People who ask "How are you?" never want any answer other than "Fine."
3. People who say they're your friend, aren't. If they were, they wouldn't be saying; they'd be doing. Same goes for people who say they want to be your friend. Stop saying, get doing.
4. James McAvoy could apparently take a shark in a fight because he has frickin' laser beams. IN HIS EYES. So sayeth Liz Silver.
5. One way guaranteed to make your intercom or door go is to put your head down for a nap. Actually, make that two ways -- slipping into a lovely, hot bath seems to work, too.
6. In the main, people are bastard-coated bastards with bastard filling.
7. The Tolkien Mafia will spit the dummy if you dare show disrespect to their Holy Book of Pernicious Goblinshite.
8. It's rarely a good idea to listen to what people say. Ignore that; look at what they do. Or fail to do.
9. Friendships are like teabags. Just add milk and-- No, wait. You never know how strong they are until they're in hot water.
10. James Purefoy is the hottest man alive, forever and ever, Amen. No comebacks, no returns, end of story, shut up.

"See? Told you. I'm the hottest man alive."